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"Is this hell?" "No, but it will be"
Sep. 28th, 2025 08:33 pmIt might be true that a fandom never really leaves you. There are many that have been fleeting fancies, a summer here or there of Thoughts and Feelings about a character or plotline, reposting gifs. Back in the day it would have been episode recaps on my Livejournal until the season finished and then my interest would also go on hiatus for the year.
Some are more perennial, a constant pleasant buzz there all the time, ready and waiting for me to dip my toes in whenever I want. And then there are ones that never really quite blossomed at all, never had their fair shot, and that's why I've come back to Attack On Titan.
I started watching this when the anime first came out, and bought some volumes of the manga to bolster my interest. Chapters were still being written then (if memory served) so it felt quite exciting to imagine where this story could end up. At the time, however, I had stopped using Livejournal, and tumblr was strictly for roleplaying. I might have saved a few gifsets here and there but really I had no-one to talk with about it and nowhere to put down any of my feelings about it. I also hate to be spoiled, so didn't want to read fics until I was caught up, and yet I cannot resist a spoiler because I also hate surprises when I know there is something to be surprised about. Go figure. So when I got (accidentally) spoiled for something incredibly significant in a recent chapter I soured and lost interest.
Then MCU came along and ate my brain. It happens.
I've come back to it now, at peace with the spoilers that have only carried on trickling down over the years, ready to find richness in the story and characters again. It makes so much sense for me to enjoy SnK; a dystopian society, good men struggling to stay good in the face of impossible odds, moral ambiguity, and the potential for limitless hurt/comfort along with oceans of angst and violence. The perfect fandom.
Some are more perennial, a constant pleasant buzz there all the time, ready and waiting for me to dip my toes in whenever I want. And then there are ones that never really quite blossomed at all, never had their fair shot, and that's why I've come back to Attack On Titan.
I started watching this when the anime first came out, and bought some volumes of the manga to bolster my interest. Chapters were still being written then (if memory served) so it felt quite exciting to imagine where this story could end up. At the time, however, I had stopped using Livejournal, and tumblr was strictly for roleplaying. I might have saved a few gifsets here and there but really I had no-one to talk with about it and nowhere to put down any of my feelings about it. I also hate to be spoiled, so didn't want to read fics until I was caught up, and yet I cannot resist a spoiler because I also hate surprises when I know there is something to be surprised about. Go figure. So when I got (accidentally) spoiled for something incredibly significant in a recent chapter I soured and lost interest.
Then MCU came along and ate my brain. It happens.
I've come back to it now, at peace with the spoilers that have only carried on trickling down over the years, ready to find richness in the story and characters again. It makes so much sense for me to enjoy SnK; a dystopian society, good men struggling to stay good in the face of impossible odds, moral ambiguity, and the potential for limitless hurt/comfort along with oceans of angst and violence. The perfect fandom.
And of course Erwin Smith is my perfect man. Emotionally distant, ready to sacrifice everything for his ideals, stoic, conflicted, suicidal, a big blonde guy with thighs.... Like I said, the perfect guy. Everything that could have possibly been said about Erwin has no doubt been said, but I'm going to be repeating it all here anyway, so apologies to anyone who finds their way here.
